~Side Effects of Divorce~ pt.2

In an effort to avoid "traumatizing" the children,parents need to sit their children down individually in private and explain to them the reason why they are getting a divorce,with out getting into to much detail and with out "bashing" the other spouse.When parents don't explain the divorce or are very vague about the reasons it allows the children to make up their own conclusions as to why this is all happening...which is usually based on any events leading up to the divorce and/or how both spouses act during the course of the proceedings.

Even when parents think they are protecting their children from the ugliness of whatever is going on,they're really not,instead they are harming them by making them think it's okay to live in dysfunction in any form or that it's okay to keep secrets and hide their true feelings or situation from others.All of this just causes confusion overall.I believe that parents don't want their children to exposed to anything negative so they feel that it's best to keep marital issues completely private.The intentions are good on the parent's behalf,but it's not necessarily benefiting the children involved.

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A common issue in most all divorces,is both parties bad mouthing the other behind each others back-to the children or around the children.In some cases it's just one party that's doing the "talking".....

more to come.........

-Lauren

~Side Effects of Divorce~

As a product of a rather long, drawn out divorce I have noticed that all things I went through were common in most divorces.What parents need to know, is that their children (or child) aren't stupid,they know when something is amiss in your relationship with your husband or wife.Children are affected the same way regardless of their age, they can be 2 years old or 20 years old,it's still the same.It doesn't even matter if the divorce was due to an mutual agreement or whether it was due to adultery,the pain of the separation still hurts just as much.You have to assume that at some point they are going to feel that they were either entirely or partially apart of the reason for the separation.

Realize that when you and your spouse split, the children are now "new" people.They learn new ways to treat people, they learn not to be trusting, as well as how to handle uncomfortable situations,etc... Sometimes they become more outgoing-partying, hanging out with friends/random people more often or they become more introverted-not wanting to do the same things,go to the same places and/or less open to new things/people.

From personal experience,I became more introverted.I was already not the most sociable person,but the divorce did not help any.I became more insecure and less trusting of other people-including family members.I was around 10 years old when my parents "called it quits". When you see your own parents no longer wanting to be together it makes you feel like you can't trust anyone.You trust your parents to always be there for you and always be at an arms reach when you want them-that all changes after a divorce.

Children hold their parents to a higher standard and when they don't succeed at reaching and maintaining that level,it automatically feels like there is a loss of balance in their lives and that they have to do something to change it or fill the lack that's been left by their parents.....

TO BE CONTINUED.....